Dear Lena.

It’s been a long time since we last spoke.

And now you’re gone from the physical world, it seems like we might not speak until we see each other again.

While I’ve got the ability to write and emote in ways that are deep,  I always had a hard time letting out what I wanted to say as it never felt right.

You always made me feel like I could be heard, that I was seen, and most importantly, that I was loved.

The shock of your passing may not look like it hit me as hard as it did but losing you was like losing a sister.

When David messaged me, I immediately called him, hoping it was a joke he was playing on me.

Unfortunately, there were no jokes, no laughs, just silence.

I cried every night until we said goodbye to you on Friday the 15th.

And while holding my reserve for a private moment where I could let it all out, it felt pointless knowing I never said to you what I always wanted to say to you.

What I always wanted to thank you for.

The day I was invited to your wedding, I was overjoyed and overwhelmed as I hadn’t expected it, I was grateful to be invited, and made sure I did all in my power to be there.

That day is one of the happiest days of my adult life and a memory that I cherish more than I can ever show.

It showed me the trueness of the love you and David share.

We cried, we laughed, we ate, danced, and enjoyed every single moment.

I often look back at that day through the pictures to remind myself that true love does exist and I had the honour and privilege to witness its union between you and David.

The compliment you paid me, telling me that I was "annoyingly photogenic", helped me in ways I don’t think I’ve ever expressed. It helped me with my self-esteem and to overcome a darker demon that used to tear me down.

The memory of you, David, and Julia coming to my new home and having dinner together is another happy memory that I keep close to my heart. 

I can still remember all the laughs, the game of cards against humanity, and how much Chase and Luna (my cats) were playing with you.

I can’t forget when we sat down in Starbucks at EE and you told me that you thought joining the Mastermind would be the right thing to do, I didn’t hesitate as I knew you would guide me right.

You’ve always looked out for me. 

Even in times where I’ve not been the closest person, I could always feel your warmth, generosity, and love.

When my dad passed away you sent me a message telling me to “not be a stranger” and that you were all there for me.

Stupidly, I was so caught up with everything that I never took you up on that - which makes writing this all the more difficult.

The impact you had in my life may not seem like much on the surface but to me it was ocean deep.

You showed me kindness, the way you smiled, cooked, and the joy you brought to all those around you is forever embedded in my heart.

Not to mention meeting your family, your brother, Demetrius, and your sisters, Julia, Sarah, Xenia, and Kim at the wedding, people who just have such love for you.

It was all a blessing to be a part of.

Even though we hadn’t known each other all that long, I could see instantly the way David looked at you, the way he was more confident, upright, and powerful with you by his side.

Knowing you’re gone in the physical stings but the comfort that you’re always there in spirit helps during the moments I miss you and cry.

I’ve always seen David as part of my family, and when you two married, you, Julia, and Demetrius, became part of it too.

I promise to do my best to be there for them and be better to keep close to them.

The void you’ve left was one that I don’t think any of us could ever fill.

But I’ll be one of many who will do their utmost to look after them as you looked after us.

The image I’ve kept of you is the picture I took of you and David looking so lovingly at one another at your wedding, and one that I’ll always remember.

I’ll miss your coconut bites, scones, and just everything about you.

Thank you for always being here for me in the way you were.

Adil